Silvia

I work as a teacher in primary education. I worked for eight months as a volunteer in the Son-Rise program of Dejana when I was still studying educational sciences. I saw Dejana for the first time some two years ago. The first thing I noticed was that her face showed no expression, but I didn't put a name to that. A week later I heard from her mother she was autistic. Her mother told me about Barry Kaufman and his method. In my study I had never heard about this. I immediately started to read the books 'Son-Rise' and 'Happiness is a choice'. I looked at videotapes and brochures. That same week, before Dejana's third birthday I started as a volunteer. I will never forget my first contact with her in the playroom. She fascinated me. It was as if we came from two different planets! She hardly looked at me, for eye contact I almost had to 'crawl into her'. All I could do was to 'join' her, i.e. imitate her. I clearly remember the pain in my knees! It was as if she thought: "what are you doing here ?" I was really uncomfortable.

Now we are two years later, and because of my busy work I don't work as a volunteer anymore. I worked very intensely with Dejana for eight months. We have achieved a great lot. When I see her now, I don't see anymore the 'flat' face of the girl I saw the first time. A couple of months after that first strange encounter I had a personal breakthrough with her. After weeks of trying to get her to imitate me, something special happened. I could always psych myself up very much in the playroom. In that room the world existed only of Dejana and me. I felt like a clown with my enthusiastic shouting and exaggerated gesturing. At that time we practiced with movements. I sat in front of her; she sat in her little chair. I raised my arms all the time and called " Dejana arms up!” And that time and time again. That day I was doing just that. Dejana always giggled very much about me and on that moment she raised her arms up high above her head!!! I think she surprised herself! I have shouted and cheered her on two more times to raise her arms. It was an extraordinary success. That night I couldn't sleep because I was so happy and excited. Dejana has changed so much. I now see her occasionally and that is always special. I feel she recognizes me. Once she so clearly recognized me and we had so much fun, that we were like two playful dogs. Dejana is a shining light for me. I find her mysterious and fascinating. I dreamed regularly, that we were talking together. Equally as she progressed through Son-Rise, as much did I learn - from her. Son-Rise and its methods made me a better teacher, a better human being. As a volunteer I learned a lot about myself, about my ideas and expectations. To work with unconditional love at something special, without expecting something back in return and with full dedication, is something very precious in this day and age. And to be able to participate in such a project and to learn from it, is an experience, which will change your life.I am very grateful Dejana crossed my path. She is for always dear to me.

Amsterdam, januari 2002

Dear Dejana,

When I first met you, I found out what these words really mean: heaven must
be missing an angel. You are that angel.
People think they know everything. That they have achieved everything. That
they are wise and smart. That they have won, that they are powerful and the
best. That is the problem in this world. Dejana, when I first met you, I
knew that was all a lie. That they are not the smartest, that they haven't
actually achieved anything. They think they cannot be beaten. They want to
cross-thin ice with a heavy truck. They want to invent their own laws, while
this world already has a manual.
Dear Dejana, you know what I'm thinking. You understand me. You are not
these people. You know this manual. You fill the space with your laughter.
You really laugh; nothing about it is ever phony. You are the truth. You
are the music. Your steps barely touch the ground, as if you are afraid that
you will leave too deep prints. As if you don't wish to disturb those who
live under our world. Dejana, I know what they are saying. That they are
telling you that your signal is not tuned to the same radio-channel. Don't
listen to them. They think you speak a different language. But you, you
already know all that. They have severed themselves from their goals and the
human fate and they will sever themselves even more. Dejana, believe in
yourself. Please forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I believe that you still
know how it was before you were born. You know these secrets, the secrets
the people have forgotten. You don't live in this fear, for you that is
wealth. Silence is golden and your eyes keep a wise secret. Dejana, your
fingers tenderly touch this world and decorate this world every day. You are
a mystery. What do those people know about you? Who are they to tell that
they know all about you, while they don't even know anything about
themselves?

I think that we are alike. I knew that when I first met you. When I first
looked you in the eyes. We understood each other. It made you laugh, me as
well, I just started to wake up then. You and me, we want the same things.
We don't want noise. We don't want arguments. We only want what's nice. The
world is a playground for us. Little birds in the park Silent music. Soft
silk. That is you, Dejana. An angel. You are here to wake up the world. To
wake them up from their deep, lazy sleep. To hit them on their face and to
tell them about this world. About beauty. How everything could be better.
You made the first step, they may never take theirs.
Dejana, thank you for being here. Thank you for everything you have taught
me. Thank you for touching me and waking me up. When I first saw you, I
thought I was dreaming. I thought that was a dream about an angel.
And Dejana, that angel was you.